Cue the theme song!
“I used to be like you. I know what it’s like on the frontlines. The burns. The spills. The super-rude customers. All the hazards of the java jockey lifestyle. That used to be my life too, but look at me now! Just six months later and I’m already Night Manager of the fifth-busiest Cobblers’ Corner Cafe east of Omaha! Still, this place is just a stepping stone. Got my eyes set on upper management, and I’m not one to forget a favor. Really appreciate you boys stepping in to help out on such short notice. You know, you fellas seem really familiar. You been in here before?”
“Impossible!” the one with the ponytail shouts. “Prior to this night we have never set foot in this coffee-vending establishment!”
“And we certainly were not regular customers until an unfortunate incident occurred a scant five weeks ago!” his friend adds.
“Huh, guess I’m imagining things. Anyway, the name’s Leon—none of that ‘Mister Dobbs’ stuff. And you are…sorry guys, but I’m having a heck of a time making out what it says on your nametags.”
“The characters scribbled upon this adhesive label, like all names, are fleeting and ultimately meaningless.” The one with the ponytail does a dramatic turn, and his cape billows out behind him. No, wait—it’s not a cape. Looks like they found a couple of spare aprons in the back and are wearing them backwards around their necks. “You may address me as the Grand Malignance, though I will also respond to Your Dark Highness, Cruel Lord of Chaos, or Terrible God Emperor of the Somerset Plaza Retail Complex, for soon I shall rule on high over all who toil within this miniature mall! Mwaha! Mwahaha! Mwahahahahaa!”
“Whereas I have written ‘Fart Garfunkel’ on mine,” his companion adds, “because it makes me laugh.” They hiss in unison, baring some pretty unfortunate dental work in the process. ↓ Read the rest of this entry…